Every concept that I have thought of for a blog post the past couple of days seems silly and insignificant. I almost feel that to post something without acknowledging the horror and sadness I felt last Friday would be a lie. So here I am, posting something. I have no idea of what I am about to write, I am literally just typing, hoping it make sense.
I am scared. I am scared for myself, our country, for our children. I have found myself getting freaked out by the silliest things lately. There was an unidentified van parked on campus today and I found myself imagining that it was a giant bomb and what I would do if it went off today.
So then I try to ignore the fear. Ignore that anything happened. I purposefully did not read any new information yesterday because that seemed like the best thing.
But, it's not the best thing. Living in fear and living in denial are both wrong. Neither will make me better, neither will make the world better.
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
-2 Timothy 1:7 -
I choose to not be afraid, but to live in the power, the love and the sound mind I have in Jesus Christ. Power to act, to speak up for those who do not have a voice. Love to give to my family, to my friends, to perfect strangers. A Sound Mind to make decisions, to help those who need it, to share my faith.
It's true that I cannot imagine what it must feel like to lose a child, to see a family member commit horrible crimes, or to be trapped in a school while a man murders your friends. I am literally overwhelmed with emotion trying to imagine experiencing those things. I am very insignificantly affected. And yet, I am affected. I am changed.